So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
