went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
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2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
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At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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