my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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