Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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