in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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