Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
