I want to have your abortion
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
