Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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