You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
