i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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