I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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