Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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