I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The power of my boobs compel you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wear drunk well.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
