The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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