i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
