he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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