Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
