my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
