Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
