Me. At least after what I've been through.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
operation harelip BJ is a go
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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