she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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