Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
