Apparently you make a good broom.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
