Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
50% drunk capacity currently
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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