i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
