Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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