hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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