it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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