u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
COCAINE IS GR8
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