A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
