Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
