The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
