its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
