i don't like sucking hair
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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