that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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