i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
