just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
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I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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