I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
