Just fell off a train. Bad.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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