God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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