Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
