Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
