I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
