don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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