somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
