And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
