With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
