He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
