this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
