I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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