the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize