i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
