I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
