hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
