FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
