break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
