some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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