Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
