Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What did we do last night that was yellow?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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