I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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