Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
