so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
