Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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