Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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