I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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