just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
