I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
