my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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