I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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