Who did Billy Mays play for?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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